Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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