i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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