I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
