Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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