bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize