I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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