Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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