i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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