i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
