Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
