I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
