Fine. I'll sleep in my office
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His hands were made for my vagina.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
