We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
