70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
