Only a mothe r could love this liver
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
