I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
