Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
