she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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