sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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