My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
