the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
