New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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