You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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