eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
