Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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