Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
