So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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