We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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