i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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