I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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