I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
