Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
