the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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