How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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