How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
