Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
