I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
