So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
