How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
