dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The adults are the big ones right?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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