I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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