i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
