The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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