Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
