They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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