So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
