you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
