Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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