I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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