Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Less talking, more tequila
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
