I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
