I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
