We're facebook friends in real life
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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