I'm lost and stupid without you.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
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Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We just shotgunned beers for America
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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