we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
