Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
