After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
