Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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