Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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