I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
