I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
