Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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