You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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