Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
