Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
