singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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