we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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