He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
