The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
