we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
