Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
