No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
