From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
