So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize