shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
